Raising Ryan: A Story of Resilience, Advocacy, and Disability Employment Success

“Reflections of a Mom”
Written by Ginger Stringer, Physician & Community Outreach Specialist

“He has mental retardation, and you gave it to him,” said the Pediatrician.  I stared at Ryan (4 years old) and thought, he isn’t mentally retarded, he is so smart… he just can’t talk.

Ryan was a difficult child; we could not go into a restaurant or store.  He would scream, vomit, be inconsolable, but as soon as I walked out he was fine.  Then I thought he was a manipulative and stubborn child, not complying and obeying.  Now I know that he was responding to his sensory issues.

Ryan did not sleep for 3 years; he would awaken at 2:00am with blood curdling screams and not fall asleep again until 6:00am.  I would do everything possible to keep him from waking everyone else in the house.  The comments from family and Pediatrician:  “You coddle him too much, you need to let him self-soothe”, “that boy needs a good spanking”, “you don’t make him talk” made me feel I was a terrible mom, and both of my children would be better without me.  Thankfully my work had the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and I was able to get the professional help I needed to live with sleep deprivation.

After Ryan was diagnosed, I quit my job and threw myself into learning everything I could about his disability, special education, the acronyms and systems.  It was a full-time job!  The Individual Education Program (IEP) was a complex, jargon challenged document that was the key to giving him an education in the public school.  Ryan struggled to “enter” the classroom, sit in circle time or interact with any of the other children.  I wondered if this was how his life would always be.  He started kindergarten in August, in October at the parent/teacher conference I braced for the worse, but his teacher said “he is so smart, I let him sit in circle time for 1 minute then let him get up.  When I ask the other students a question he answers with the correct answer from around the corner of the room”.  He WAS learning, he WAS engaged though different than the other children – he just needed to have the tool he needed to learn, and she allowed it.

From then on Ryan was included in typical classes with the support he needed.  Just as I need glasses to do my work, he needed modifications to do his.  Ryan was fully included in public school from kindergarten through high school-it was not easy, was a struggle and I often wondered why I would put myself or him through hell.  Was it worth it?  100% yes!  He learned to live in the “real world” and the “real world” learned to live with him.

After high school, I had no idea what he would do.  School was “over”.  Work offered to him was to work in a kitchen 6:00pm-midnight prepping food for Ft. Carson cafeteria.  I remembered working in Junior High and High School and learning what I did and did not want to do as a career.  At that time, there were not opportunities for Ryan to learn what he did or did not want to do.

The University of Colorado, Colorado Springs opened The Office of Inclusive Services (OIS).  We attended a presentation and the presenter asked who wanted to go to college.  Ryan raised his hand – I was stunned, I had no idea he wanted to go to college.  Ryan went 4 years, received a certificate in Human Services.  During college he worked at the ENT Center for the Arts as an usher.  He loved that job and they loved him.  He loved dressing up, the people, the excitement of the shows – so different from the screaming sensory overloaded individual in elementary school.

After college Ryan wanted to work as a banquet server at The Broadmoor.  “People like Ryan” understandably don’t work in that position.  The Broadmoor is wonderful and offers many jobs for those with disabilities in housekeeping, laundry and stewarding.  But Ryan wanted to be a banquet server.  I spoke to the General Manager and after 4 months of deliberation, they agreed to hire him if I would work with him.  We were both hired as servers.

One of the longtime servers came up to me when he received his one year service pin and said “when you brought Ryan here I thought you are making the biggest mistake of your life, he is not going to last 2 weeks… people are nasty… but he is blossoming, he is talking to me, he is doing amazing”

Ryan has worked 3 years at the Broadmoor.  He does not like to be partnered with me and finds others to partner with.  He has worked a few shifts without me on property.  Ryan loves his job, is typically dressed 2 hours before his shift and waits in the car for me.  Ryan’s pride in his work, eagerness to do well, responsibility and job well done were recently acknowledged and he received the Employee of the Month award.

I cannot be more proud, grateful and overwhelmed watching him become more than I ever thought possible.